I am still feeling pretty numb. I can’t focus on anything. It all seems so unreal. Last week I was pregnant. Last week I had a new life growing inside me. This week I do not.
I was reminded this morning that I would be 10 weeks today by an e-mail. I thought I had unsubscribed to all those pregnancy week by week e-mails I had subscribed to when I found out I was pregnant. I missed one. I packed up all my pregnancy books and they have been replaced by books on miscarriage, grief and coping. I have gathered up all my pregnancy magazines and will leave them at the doctor’s office when I go next week.
Yesterday went okay. I didn’t do much. I read a little and took a nap until it was time to pick up The Prince from school.
The bright spot of my day was a beautiful flower arrangement from my friend Holly.
She is such a good friend!
Hubby is still pretty concerned about me but I can tell he is at a loss at what to do.
I am meeting my MIL for lunch today at a restaurant we are thinking about having a bridal shower at. I am trying to plan to go do something everyday or I wouldn’t leave the house except to pick up The Prince. I am not really sad today just blah. It’s an odd feeling.
I think I have shared this before in an entry when my friend Holly had her miscarriage but I wanted to share it again.
By Mother M. Angelica
My Lord, the baby is dead!
Why, my Lord, dare I ask why?
It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face.
It will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise.
Why, my Lord?
“Why, My child, do you ask ‘why’?
Well, I will tell you why.
You see, the child lives.
Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne.
Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty, he sees My face.
He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor.
He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth.
He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess.
My ways are not the ways of man.
I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another.
He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits.
He has never seen pain or sin.
He has never felt hunger or pain.
I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”
I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love.
I speak as a fool, forgive me.
I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death.
I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity.