Wednesday, January 3, 2007

The Date

Feeling Sad
Hearing James Taylor

I look at a calendar every day.

I know what the date is but today’s “date” kind of snuck up on me.

Today was my due date last year.

I worked really hard to put it out of my mind and then today I was watching the morning news and they do first birthdays which is when you send in a picture to the station and on your baby’s birthday they get their 15 seconds of fame.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

If I had not had the miscarriage I would be celebrating a first birthday with my little one.

In the last few months I have slowly come to terms with the likely hood that we will not have another child. I am still making my peace with this and I am getting there but the miscarriage still leaves a pretty big hole in my heart.

I thought about it a lot last month. The anesthesiologist who did my appendectomy also did my D&C when I had the miscarriage. It was an odd feeling to see him.

Outwardly today is just another day but in my heart this is my angel baby’s birthday.