Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Sadness

Feeling Sad
Hearing Quiet

I am feeling very sad today.

It was a very long day and I tried to stay very busy so it would go by quickly.

This is the date last year that I had the miscarriage.

This date in 2005 was one of the most painful (physically and emotionally) days of my life.

I have felt better about things in the last few months and really thought I’d be okay.

Not the case…the date hit my like a ton of bricks this morning.

I can’t really talk about this with anyone as by now of course everyone thinks I should be over it.

I’m not.

Every month that goes by and I’m not pregnant is a little tougher.

I feel guilty for wanting to get pregnant so badly because I don’t want it to sound like that I am not grateful for the beautiful son I already have. I LOVE my son and I LOVE my life but I sometimes feel like a little piece of me dies each month when I find out I am not pregnant again.

I am praying to find peace and praying to find acceptance. I know if it is meant to be it will happen and that everything happens for a reason and is in God’s plan.

Getting over this is just harder than I expected.