Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Out of the blue

Feeling Reflective
Hearing Rick Springfield~The First Noel

Thanksgiving was interesting. I was in the shower after a mad cleaning session before our company showed up and I had a very vivid memory. When I first found out my due date the first thing Hubby & I laughed about was how thankful we would be this Thanksgiving. I daydreamed a bit about the baby that should be here with us. I was sad but am starting not to crumble whenever my mind wanders like that.

Until this morning...

I had a dentist appointment first thing this morning. I was in the chair waiting for the hygienist and when she walked in the first thing she asked all excitedly "So, did you have a boy or a girl??" Talk about out of the blue. I gasped and answered quietly "Neither." She was mortified and didn't know what to say (outside of a quick "I'm sorry") so I quickly started babbling about the snow and the drive in to the office to change the subject and make her feel better. Again, my mind wandered to my last appointment and how excited I was about the baby. I didn't have x-rays done and had scheduled my next appointment for after my due date. My heart beat quickly through the whole appointment. It took all I had to keep it together in the appointment but I managed not to break down in tears.

The first few months after the miscarriage there were quite a few of these incidents...but I kinda always knew to expect them. I can't think of anyone else who knew I was pregnant that I have not seen since the miscarriage. I sure hope this is the last one.