Friday, November 14, 2008


Feeling Quiet
Hearing The dishwasher

I've been somewhat able to move on lately. My mind has not been as obsessed with babies since my due date has past. I was feeling pretty good.

Then last night I heard that Hubby's cousin is pregnant...AGAIN. This is her fourth in less than four years.


I was stunned. She just had a baby at the end of June. I am a little bitter. Unfortunately, in my heart her life is a little entangled in my miscarriage past. I was pregnant at her baby shower in July 3 years ago. I soon miscarried after that. Since that first miscarriage she has had THREE babies while I have had two miscarriages and now she is pregnant again. WTH?? It so brings back the chorus of "What about me????"

Realistically it's not like I'm jealous of that situation. I would in no way want four babies under the age of four. It just stings a little and totally makes my heart hurt!

I am sure my MIL will be feeling it as well. Her brother is the grandfather to all these babies and he has gone from no grandchildren to what will be 7 in less than 4 years. That family has three boys and one girl and all the boys are married and have just started popping out babies. The daughter is getting married in the spring so I am sure she'll be pregnant soon after. They are a fertile bunch. :) Poor Mar...she has only the one and is desperate for more grandchildren.

I did not sleep well (partly becasue Hubby is gone but also because I could not shut my mind off). and then when I finally fell asleep...I dreamt of babies. I can't escape it.

This feels like such a pity party and I don't want to feel this way. It's totally random how any news of what is going on with her totally knocks me for a loop.

I so need to go drink the kool-aid at their house!