Wednesday, October 29, 2008

So hard

Feeling Sad
Hearing Quiet

Well...here it is. My due date.

I am not sure what I expected to feel today but I did not expect it to feel like this.

I am feeling totally decimated...almost like this loss is happening all over again.

I kind of already knew that my real healing could not start until after my due date.

I no longer need to look at every pregnant women and wonder how pregnant she is for a comparison. Each week ticking by will no longer mean the same thing. I now have a totally different set of dates...the what if dates.

I have had this experience before. I don't know if it is because I am alone today that it feels harder than last time.

I sit here and cry and pray and cry and pray.

I knew this date would be hard. I just did not expect it to be this hard.

9 comments:

  1. i felt the same pain in july... sorry you are sad. i'll say a prayer for you today.

    i continue to carry hope for you, even through your hopelessness. i pray peace, joy, and hope for you today... and i especially pray comfort.

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  2. Yesterday, when I was online you came on my buddy list and that nursery sound played. I was prompted to cover you in prayer. It just breaks my heart all over again. I didn't realize that today was the due date but now understand why I felt such and urgency and so much compassion toward you. Just know that today, I am here if you need or would like me to be. If not, I am quietly in the background, sending you friendship, support, and prayers for your peace and healing and comfort today. Bless you and your family.

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  3. ((Hugs)) We never understand the why of some things...in the end sometimes even with answers it's still hard to accept. I know your pain dear friend. I lost a little boy
    6 1/2 years ago. I was 4 almost 5 months then. Not a lot of people know that about me. There isn't a day that goes by I don't think of the what if's.

    Today still holds blessing, even in the midst of the sorrow. Later you will have your husband and prince walk through the door. They'll hug you, give you a kiss and say they love you. There will always be an equal measure of joy mixed in with the sorrow. I continue to keep you in my prayers on the smoke, that you will still get a chance for another baby in your life.

    Your in my thoughts always! (Hugs)Indigo

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  4. I know there really isn't much that any of us can say that can make this better. This is the kind of pain that can only go away on its own, with time. The best that any of us can hope to do is to let you know that no matter where we are, you're never alone through any of this. I hope you know that. LY

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  5. So, today I DO wish I still lived there so that you wouldn't be alone. I know that I can't do or say anything to make you feel better, but you are in my heart.
    XOXOXO
    Jen

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  6. Sending positive loving vibes your way. Stay strong. Cass

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  7. (((((hugs)))) Sending lots of love your way today Erin. It will get better.

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  8. Praying for you as you continue to make this journey!

    Thanks for talking with me yesterday even though you may not have felt like it!

    Janis

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  9. (((Erin)))

    I'm so sorry; I can't imagine how hard it must have been and how hard it is :(

    betty

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