I am feeling very sad this morning.
It was hard to say good-bye to Hubby and The Prince this morning as they left for work/school because I didn’t want to be alone. It doesn’t help that it is dreary and raining this morning.
This last week, even though I’ve written about the miscarriage quite a bit, I have been in a bit of denial. My life has had a slight tinge of unreality and I am still reeling and am stunned that this happened to me again. I haven’t had a really good cry yet but feel I am on the verge of tears all the time.
Mysterious Lord of Life and Death, a very part of my own life has died in the death of my child.
My soul is weighed down with sorrow and bears the wound of a lifelong scar.
Send to me Your angel of consolation for the pain is heavy and deep.
Do not take my tears and sorrow as a sign of my unbelief that all who have died are resurrected to eternal life in You, but, rather, see in these tears a sign of my great love for my child.
As I held him in the embrace of love, may You, his Divine Parent, hold him close to Your heart forever.
Help me, Lord, for I do not seek to understand the why of this mystery of death as much as I desire to accept it in a holy way and to be healed and once again whole.
Support me, my Lord and God, and wrap me in your gentle love as I attempt to carry this bitter cross as Your Son, Jesus, carried the cross which you gave to Him.
I received this email from Silent Grief this morning and it really spoke to me.
March 31, 2008
Sometimes things happen and we doubt the very wisdom of God. We wonder "Why? Why did this happen in my life?" When grief enters our lives, we are filled with questions and we want to hear answers. But, there are times when there really are no answers - at least not answers that we can find. And, we are left asking the age-old question, "Why?"
One thing we can know for sure is that God is near, and He has not left us alone in our pain. God is watching over us day and night, and He will place a beautiful rainbow in the clouds for us to see so that we can be reminded of His love.
When you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, look to God, and place your burdens at His feet. You don't have to carry the pain all alone anymore. Hand it over to God, for He is your friend.
And, create pockets of time when you can rest and think thoughts of relief. When you do, hope will come knocking on the door of your heart, and carry you through!