Thursday, March 25, 2010

Just Another Day...

Feeling Conflicted
Hearing Silence

My heart just aches today and I am feeling very alone. I do this to myself. I don't tell anyone how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking.

Two years ago I had a miscarriage. So two years & one day ago I was still hopeful. Two years & one day ago I had the most delicious secret. Two years and one day ago I was still pregnant and happy and feeling blessed.

I have been beyond obsessed with wanting to have a baby the last few days. For the most part I really don't think about it anymore. I have a great life and am happy with what I have.

But...

In my most secret dreams...I dream of having another baby. I am really not hopeful about having a another baby anymore. It is just a little wish locked deep in my most secret thoughts.

So today I am sad. Sad for the babies I've lost and for the babies that never will be.

I am sad but I am also dreaming... dreaming of sweet baby cheeks, baby sighs and delightful baby breath.

Sad but dreaming...

1 comment:

  1. I am right there with you E. I dreamt about it last night... told my husband...

    Sorry you're hurting.

    Much love,
    E.

    ReplyDelete