Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Tuesday Morning

Feeling Sad
Hearing Silence

Things have been busy here and are back to normal schedule wise. I am still a bit of an emotional mess but I am good at faking it.

I feel like I am in recovery…it’s a take it one day at a time kind of thing. Each day brings a fresh perspective. I don’t know if I am gonna have a good day or a bad day but at least I am gonna have a day.

Everything is still very jumbled…my days are kind of running together. I still have a tightness in my chest and a heaviness in my heart.

I have been able to cry and I cry a lot. I cry in the car. I cry at night. I cry at commercials and movies and books.

My nerves are raw and I feel exposed all the time. It is a very unnerving feeling.

It is also pretty difficult as it has been three weeks since the miscarriage and by now most people have forgotten it and assume I am okay and have moved on.

Obviously I have not moved on.

The shock of everything has finally worn off and now I am sad and angry. Sad for what we’ve lost as a family and angry at the unfairness of the loss of what might have been.

I am just trying to heal my broken heart.

Prayer After Miscarriage or Stillbirth
By Sandy Eisenberg Sasso

God, we are weary and grieved.
We were anticipating the birth of a child, but the promise of life was ended too soon.
Our arms yearned to cradle new life, our mouths to sing soft lullabies.
Our hearts ache from the emptiness and the silence.
We are saddened and we are angry.
We weep and we mourn.
Weep with us, God, Creator of Life, for the life that could not be.
Source of healing, help us to find healing among those who care for us and those for whom we care.
Shelter us under wings of love and help us to stand up again for life even as we mourn our loss.