Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Another month and not pregnant

Feeling Sad
Hearing None-just The Crown Prince playing with Hubby

Another month is upon me and yet again-I am not pregnant.

Ever since the miscarriage I am scared... scared I might be pregnant and even more scared that I'm not pregnant.

This month the depression hit me harder than previous months.

One of the girls at work who was pregnant at the same time I was just came back from maternity leave and what would have been my due date is fastly approaching.

I have been trying not to think about the "date" but sometimes I can't help it.

I am still finding it hard to be happy for any of my pregnant friends.

It sucks to be the one who is not pregnant any more.

I am so blessed to have my son and I feel like such an ungrateful wench when the depression comes over me but I can't help it.

I don't talk about the miscarriage anymore, because of course everyone thinks I should be over it by now and it has gotten better.

But the monthly reminder that I am not pregnant just brings me to my knees for the day.

I am sure the fact that I've been sick, stressed out at work and running around getting ready for the holidays has not helped my mental health lately.

I will be fine tomorrow.

Just need to say a prayer today and be thankful for the many blessings I already have in my life.